He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
