Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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