I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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