Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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