6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
