theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
