I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
