God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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