I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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