Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
