You're my little dorito
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
