This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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