**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Randomize
