You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
