this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
not ubering you a puppy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
