I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
