decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
