I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
