i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
