you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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