I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize