I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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