perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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