I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
