I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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