so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
