Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
