True but thats because hes a fetus.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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