Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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