I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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