Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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