im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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