Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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