I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
