she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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