Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
