@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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