Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
