Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
