conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
