She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
