I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
