xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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