census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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