My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
