She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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