Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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