That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
