Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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