i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
