So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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