My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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