So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
