I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize