Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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