Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
