I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
