I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
