i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
