you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
