I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
