I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
