would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
